Story Time

I was in an arrangement conference with a family, like most days in my life, but this family was quite different. It never ceases to amaze me the positions I'm placed in with grieving families. This family was very nice, but the daughter, I believe was lacking in the sleep department. She had been with her dying mother for 72 hours and had no sleep. In my 'extensive' studies of sleep deprivation, I have learned that after about 36 hours, a human mind starts playing tricks on you and you become extremely delirious. This young lady had had her fair share of awakeness and was WAY past the .08 limit of no sleep, no doubt!

'Daughter' sat down and was very cordial to me. She was on the phone with someone who I soon learned was 'Aunt (blank) to protect her privacy. Aunt (blank) decided she wanted to 'sit in' on speaker phone on our conversation. Every few minutes, 'daughter' would remind me to 'speak up' so that Aunt (blank) could hear me, and I politely spoke in a louder tone.

We completed the information part of the conference and moved to the 'ever dreaded' financial portion. As I began to speak, Aunt (blank) decides she wants to speak privately with 'son' who has had PLENTY of sleep and is extremely aware of everything going on. Aunt (blank) asks 'daughter' if I can hear her. 'Daughter' translates that to mean, "Aunt (blank) wants to say something directly to ME, when all along, it was not meant for my ears AT ALL! 'Daughter' picks up the phone and holds it directly in front of my face to make certain I could hear EVERYTHING Aunt (blank) had to say. Aunt (blank) thinks she is speaking directly to 'son' and begins to run down the funeral industry in many, not so nice, words. I'm sitting there thinking, "Okay, what do I do now?" The son lunges forward, grabs the phone, hangs it up and slams it down on the table. I could tell he was EXTREMELY embarrassed at the whole ordeal.

'Daughter' didn't see what the big deal was and felt it her need to leave out to call Aunt (blank) to make sure she wasn't upset. I thought, "what about ME??? Nobody cares about the money hungry Funeral Director."

Anyway, everything turned out fine and 'son' was very pleased with my service. I think Aunt (blank) needs to stop watching those 'News Magazines' on TV that lead you to believe that your toothbrush and comb are conspiring against you to maul you the next time you enter the bathroom! I had to laugh when I left out.

The son asked me if that was the strangest I've been through, and no doubt, it makes the top 10, but not near the strangest. They have to beat a 20 man brawl in front of the Funeral Home with Police, Sheriff, DPS, FBI, ATF and a few other acronyms arriving with tazers a blazing, but that's a story for another day. I must go to bed. Hope Saturday was kind to you all. For now, live free and blog HARD, dude!

-approved by Farley Wells, CMDI who thinks he's an undercover FBI agent.